It's that stupid feeling again. Everything around you is moving so fast, and everyone seems like they know what they're doing. It's just crazy and hectic but you're in the middle of all this chaos, feeling lost.
In school, all my friends are busy with uni applications. I only chose my four universities today and I am not that confident that I will get admitted. If I get rejected by all four then I have to reapply next year which is definitely not what I want to do. I want to take a gap year but I need to get that acceptance notice first.
I am glad though that I am not alone in this. I talked to some of my friends today and they all feel the same. We were all like "I feel like I'm really unprepared compared to you guys". It was actually quite funny and I felt relieved. But I still think I need to fully prepare myself until the point where I'm like 'Okay I'm ready for this! Bring it on!'
Most of my the universities that I'm applying to look at the TOEFL scores. When I was studying for TOEFL, I didn't feel like it was important at all. I mean it's an English proficiency level exam, how hard can it be? I signed up. Took it. And got 108 out of 120. That's kind of like 8 out of 20 because most colleges in Korea do not even give the chance to apply to students with TOEFL scores that are less than 100. Hahaha. I said to myself, 'Now I know how the exam works so I can probably do better next time' and a month later I sat for the exam again and everything went just fine, I knew what I was doing. And my result? 108. Again.
It was kind of terrible. TOEFL is like SAT for me, it's like A levels because universities here choose students with good TOEFL scores. I had one more chance for this stupid shit and I decided to study like HELL for TOEFL. I had one and a half weeks until my next exam and I bought four books from the local book store. Two for reading, one for listening and one for speaking. I read them all at school and at home. Listened to the CDs, searched for tips, I did everything that I could!
Took the exam, felt a little down because I knew I got one wrong for reading. So I was kind of really sad and I didn't want to know the results. When they were out I was really really nervous to check them. My dad was right next to me when I was logging on the ETS website. I clicked 'results' and I thought I got 108 again because of the stupid 8 I saw. But it wasn't 108, it was 118.
God I was so happy! And a little teeny bit annoyed because it could have been 120. But still, I thanked God like a hundred times.
I think the reason why I got a high score in the end is because I was prepared.
Good preparation makes you feel so confident! And that is why I am pushing myself to write a bunch of essays (although most of them are tuition homework). But I feel like I'm so lazy these days. I don't do much at school. I go on freaking neopets at home. Someone needs to wake me up.
Why am I so lazy these days?
I decided to give myself a day to relax and forget about everything for awhile and that lasted a whole week. Deep sigh.
I think I should go and prepare for this. Everyone wish me luck with applications please, they start next week.
