Watched the notebook the other day, I guess it was good.
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My friend was really upset today. She came to my class to talk to me about something that was bothering her, more like to bitch about the really annoying guys in her class. She was really down and it was obvious why she came to me, she wanted me to understand her and comfort her. And I realised, once again, how awful I am when it comes to consoling a friend. I always don't know what to say, and no matter how much I want to make them feel better, I just can't find the right words. I become extra careful in what I say because I don't want them to feel even more upset or anything. I put myself in their shoes and think about what I would want to hear. But that doesn't do much.
I ended up asking her if she's going straight home after school today.
She replied and went back to her class for her next lecture. I sat there in my seat and felt really bad for her and for myself. I felt stupid and worthless. I like to give advice to my friends when they need it, and I'm not that bad at that. But consoling is a completely different thing. I don't know whether I should say 'what's wrong?' when my friend is crying because I'm too scared that she might want to be left alone, who knows, she might not want to even talk about it. But then, I think it's also stupid to say 'It's okay' because obviously, it is not okay. I end up just standing next to her rubbing her back, waiting for her to stop crying.
I came back home and thought about this. I thought about the times when I was the one crying, complaining, just feeling upset. I think Mishy and Chengsters weren't that bad at comforting me, though Mishy did confess last time that she had to search 'how to console a friend on' google when I was crying on the phone. Hahaha. Well, I think for me, it didn't really matter what they said. It was nice to have them listen to my complaints and just nod their heads saying those 'I know's and 'forget about it's.
Then I thought, maybe I'm not a very good listener. Maybe I'm self-centered, not in the greedy or selfish way but maybe my desires are too fixed upon myself.
I care about myself too much, my wants and needs, my pride, my belongings, my thoughts, my EVERYTHING. I spent time thinking about why I was so bad at consoling my friend because it was my problem. I didn't think about what I could have said to her or what her problem really was. I don't think this necessarily means that I'm cold-hearted, because I honestly do feel bad when my friends are upset. But maybe, I need to improve on the whole listening thing, I need to be less self-centered. I've always thought that I cared about others because I care way too much when it comes to earthquakes and floods and it makes me feel horrible and I become desperate to donate my money, call phone numbers, pray and so on. I do care about the fact that half the world's population lives in poverty. I feel heart-broken when I see cancer patients. But I don't think I gave THAT much attention to those around me.
It really hit me today. I wonder why I haven't realised this earlier. This is why they say that sometimes taking a break and having deep thoughts about yourself and the present is the step before thinking about the future and having ambitious goals.
I like my music real loud real loud
You know, the kind of music I listen to nowadays is so different from...my old stuff. I was more into like pop ballad, acoustic styles and maybe R&B but now my favourite music genre is rap. YEAH. Strange! And don't get me wrong Chengsters! I still love guitar tunes and everything!
It's kind of weird but I've been listening to a lot of hip hop stuff. Ones with sick beats and everything, not the old hip hop stuff but yeah. And yeah, my favourite genre has got to be rap. :3
Please listen to this song:
It's really good but don't pay too much attention to the lyrics, don't search it up. Haha.
Love this!
It's kind of weird but I've been listening to a lot of hip hop stuff. Ones with sick beats and everything, not the old hip hop stuff but yeah. And yeah, my favourite genre has got to be rap. :3
Please listen to this song:
It's really good but don't pay too much attention to the lyrics, don't search it up. Haha.
Love this!
EXAMS EXAMS
I can finally relax! Had two essay exams yesterday...the first one went pretty well. But I bet at least 50 other people did well too so can't be sure that I'll be one of the 20 people who'll get the place. The second exam went REALLY REALLY horribly. The question was to do with robot ethics and how to solve their dilemmas, I was like....um, am I in the right room? This exam seems to be related to robot engineering NOT INTERNATIONAL FREAKING STUDIES! They gave us ONE hour to 'examine' ethical dilemmas that ROBOTS face AND come up with possible solutions to resolve them. I was like wtf wtf wtf the whole time, I wrote a bunch or crap so yeap, no chance that I'll get admitted.
I'M SO HAPPY THAT IT'S ALL OVER! Now I just need to wait for the results. AHHH. PLEASE CALL ME FOR INTERVIEWS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEE.
One will announce the interview candidates next next next week? And the other one will give out acceptance/rejection letters soon! And as for the last one, I failed the exam so yeah hahaha.
GD's performance today with Sungha Jung was pretty awesome! Go go check it out!
I'M SO HAPPY THAT IT'S ALL OVER! Now I just need to wait for the results. AHHH. PLEASE CALL ME FOR INTERVIEWS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEE.
One will announce the interview candidates next next next week? And the other one will give out acceptance/rejection letters soon! And as for the last one, I failed the exam so yeah hahaha.
GD's performance today with Sungha Jung was pretty awesome! Go go check it out!
Book + update
'Clare, I want to tell you, again, I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust. Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you. ...Please, Clare. When I am dead. Stop waiting and be free. Of me - put me deep inside you and then go out in the world and live. Love the world and yourself in it, move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element.'
I finished this book, 'The time traveler's wife' by Audrey Niffenegger two weeks ago. It took me so long to read it because I lost the book many times and I was busy doing other stuff. This book is definitely one of my favourites! A little embarrassed to say, but I cried towards the end because it was just so sad. I watched the movie so I knew the ending the whole time I was reading it but it was still really really sad! Strangely, I think the movie is almost as good as the book! Usually that's never the case but the film is one of my favourite movies so yeap. I think the author is amazing. I don't know how she did that. She structured it really nicely, I mean the whole time travelling thing is quite complicated but she managed to get me, the worst reader in the whole universe, understand what she really wanted to say! FIVE STARS!
So besides reading, I've been playing this game on my iPad for weeks! I think I'm addicted to it hahaha. It's called magic piano, well it's not really a game but it's so fun! And I'm pro ;)
And I have always tried to prepare myself for the big essay exam on Saturday. I have no idea what's going to come up, I just hope it's not going to be 'democratic consolidation' because I suck at that subject. I wish they told us the essay topics beforehand.....well I guess that's kind of a stupid thing to say hahaha. I'm just so curious! I've been studying a whole lot of things like women's rights, effectiveness of foreign aid, information revolution, land disputes in North East Asia, Japan's imperialism, multicultural families etc etc. And I'm scared that NONE of this is going to come out! Ahhh! I don't care if they don't come out in the exam, I just hope it's not going to be super deep stuff about political systems because I'm always so lost when it comes to politics. Hahahaha.
WISH ME LUCK! IT'S ON SATURDAY!
